We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
