She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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