I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
