Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
