Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
