The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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