areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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