Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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