Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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