I'm so fucking centered right now
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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