Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
