My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
