For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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