apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
