you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
