I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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