I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
