im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I came so hard my ears popped.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
