Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
