did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
