I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I could fuck to npr.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
