I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
