it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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