If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
