im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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