Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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