Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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