If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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