escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
