I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
