So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
