im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
