So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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