swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
