she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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