I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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