If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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