I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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