he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need water and some morals
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
