Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
