I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
