I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
