Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
