He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
