You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
