Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
