My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
