Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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