No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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