I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
