the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
