I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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