I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
