Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
