one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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