Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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