but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
