I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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