Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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