ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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