Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
