The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
