You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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