More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
