The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
